Thanks, Mickey, but No Thanks!

Today, anonymous posted this offering from Michael Moore. As a public service to the non whackos in the audience, the Wizer will now analyze and comment on the letter. Talk about a target rich environment! Please understannd, that the message is directed to conservatives and republicans, but I couldn't resist the urge to answer for them. Not all of them agree with me, just as not all dems agree with MM.

Tuesday, November 14th, 2006
A Liberal's Pledge to Disheartened Conservatives ...by Michael Moore

Translation: Grab your wallets!

To My Conservative Brothers and Sisters,

I know you are dismayed and disheartened at the results of last week's election. You're worried that the country is heading toward a very bad place you don't want it to go. Your 12-year Republican Revolution has ended with so much yet to do, so many promises left unfulfilled. You are in a funk, and I understand.

Mike, are you talking to conservatives or republicans here? If you don't know the difference, there is much to fill you in on...I'll let it go for now.

Well, cheer up, my friends! Do not despair. I have good news for you. I, and the millions of others who are now in charge with our Democratic Congress,

Millions? Don't you mean dozens of others who are now in charge?

have a pledge we would like to make to you, a list of promises that we offer you because we value you as our fellow Americans. You deserve to know what we plan to do with our newfound power -- and, to be specific, what we will do to you and for you.

Why do the words "do to you" cause shivers to race up my spine?

Thus, here is our Liberal's Pledge to Disheartened Conservatives:

Dear Conservatives and Republicans,

Well, that's 55% of us, anyway.

I, and my fellow signatories, hereby make these promises to you:

1. We will always respect you for your conservative beliefs. We will never, ever, call you "unpatriotic" simply because you disagree with us. In fact, we encourage you to dissent and disagree with us.

Did you get all your millions of friends to agree to this? Seems like you are in the minority in your particular wing on this. Just wanted to make sure there was a consensus.

2. We will let you marry whomever you want, even when some of us consider your behavior to be "different" or "immoral." Who you marry is none of our business. Love and be in love -- it's a wonderful gift.

Of course, it will be necessary for all of us to subsidize your preferences by extending benefits to whoever you want to call your wife. Or whatever, as the case may be. Admit it. This is a scam to get corporations to pay for health benefits for your friends. As such, it's a program I'm not interested in subsidizing. No thanks, Mike.

3. We will not spend your grandchildren's money on our personal whims or to enrich our friends. It's your checkbook, too, and we will balance it for you.

I'm not hearing Robert Rubin, Harry Reid, or Nancy Pelosi say this. Have you checked with them? They are talking about higher energy costs, higher environmental controls and higher taxes right off the bat. My grandchildren will have a much easier time holding onto my inheritance if you keep those jokers away from the policymaking.


4. When we soon bring our sons and daughters home from Iraq, we will bring your sons and daughters home, too. They deserve to live. We promise never to send your kids off to war based on either a mistake or a lie.

If you bring them home in such a way as to allow Iraq to fall back into the hands of terrorists, our sons and daughters will know they are not safe until they go back and do the job for good. The only lie is the one you are telling when you say this wasn't necessary.

5. When we make America the last Western democracy to have universal health coverage, and all Americans are able to get help when they fall ill, we promise that you, too, will be able to see a doctor, regardless of your ability to pay. And when stem cell research delivers treatments and cures for diseases that affect you and your loved ones, we'll make sure those advances are available to you and your family, too.

When the health care system is run by the bureaucrats, there won't be anyone working on stem cells. First of all, the money never gets there. Second of all, the doctors will be payed the same for playing golf or working up stem cells. The worlds greatest health care system will be destroyed. Mike, why do you think it is the best system in the world? Because it is the closest thing to a free market medical system that exists.

6. Even though you have opposed environmental regulation, when we clean up our air and water, we, the Democratic majority, will let you, too, breathe the cleaner air and drink the purer water.

When there's a difference worth paying for, come tell me about it. Right now it's just a game you're playing with a bunch of biased government dependent researchers.

7. Should a mass murderer ever kill 3,000 people on our soil, we will devote every single resource to tracking him down and bringing him to justice. Immediately. We will protect you.

How can you say that one with a straight face given A) Bill Clinton's total lapse on Bin Laden, and B) what you just said on item #4 above? My God Michael, at least disguise your hypocrisy a little better than that.

8. We will never stick our nose in your bedroom or your womb. What you do there as consenting adults is your business. We will continue to count your age from the moment you were born, not the moment you were conceived.

What are you saying here? That the unborn are expendable? Man, that hardly makes you seem like the magnanimous, inclusive figure you want to be seen as. "To all conservatives and republicans who have made it this far...."

9. We will not take away your hunting guns. If you need an automatic weapon or a handgun to kill a bird or a deer, then you really aren't much of a hunter and you should, perhaps, pick up another sport. We will make our streets and schools as free as we can from these weapons and we will protect your children just as we would protect ours.

Okay, so, I should not feel so bad that the person who just shot me did it with a gun that was illegal. Let's make more of them illegal. That will make me feel safer. Not. I don't even have to invoke the second amendment to show the folly of this reason.

10. When we raise the minimum wage, we will pay you -- and your employees -- that new wage, too. When women are finally paid what men make, we will pay conservative women that wage, too.

What you want is for everybody to be paid the same. And for that wage to be low for everybody. It's been tried before, you know. But the Soviet Union crashed and burned. It fails every time it is tried. You want to see everybody in the toilet paper line? Oh, I forgot. You've already made your millions. You can tough it out from here.

11. We will respect your religious beliefs, even when you don't put those beliefs into practice. In fact, we will actively seek to promote your most radical religious beliefs ("Blessed are the poor," "Blessed are the peacemakers," "Love your enemies," "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God," and "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."). We will let people in other countries know that God doesn't just bless America, he blesses everyone. We will discourage religious intolerance and fanaticism -- starting with the fanaticism here at home, thus setting a good example for the rest of the world.

What about your favorite radical religion: environmentalism? Isn't it disengenuous to be pushing your pagan agenda against the backdrop of accusing religious groups of doing the same? It's called freedom of religion for a reason. And it is well known that God blesses America. Live with it.

12. We will not tolerate politicians who are corrupt and who are bought and paid for by the rich. We will go after any elected leader who puts him or herself ahead of the people. And we promise you we will go after the corrupt politicians on our side FIRST. If we fail to do this, we need you to call us on it. Simply because we are in power does not give us the right to turn our heads the other way when our party goes astray. Please perform this important duty as the loyal opposition.

Nice words. Talk to me about William Jefferson of Louisiana.

I promise all of the above to you because this is your country, too. You are every bit as American as we are. We are all in this together. We sink or swim as one. Thank you for your years of service to this country and for giving us the opportunity to see if we can make things a bit better for our 300 million fellow Americans -- and for the rest of the world.

Signed,

Michael Moore
mmflint@aol.com
(Click here to sign the pledge)
www.michaelmoore.com

Michael, I have not seen this many fat pitches since the company picnic. Thanks for letting me swing away.

Sincerely,

The Wizer.

P.S. Please feel free to pass this on.