Looks like too much traffic on the road
No fun in driving
You wait in line forever just to go
Heavy roar of engines
Sitting in your prisons on the road
-- John Mayall, Prisons on the Road
The old Mayall tune makes its way into my consciousness every once in a while when I find myself in a traffic situation. As bad as a 15 minute delay is to us highway bound low-lings, it's even worse for people who are in enough of a hurry that they resort to buying a seat on an airplane.
The recent Hartford situation reminded me why I judiciously avoid flying. People spend hours of their lives waiting in security lines, waiting for shuttle buses, waiting hours for the simple process of taking off and landing, only to wind up in a different city with natives that may or may not be up to the task. For the question of whether I would take a two hour flight, or drive for 7 hours, I pick the latter. It's not the time, it's the hassle. I'm blessed with relatively clear middle-of-the-country highways, so driving is not as much of a chore as it might be if I were on, say, the Jersey Turnpike. Still, there are countless recent "innovations" that have soured me for air travel.
- Obviously, the TSA
- Not just the TSA, but the whole security thing. -- A security station is supposed to make us feel safer, but actually has the opposite effect: If it was safe, why do they need security? If there is security, it must be inherently unsafe. I think L. Neil Smith in his Prometheus Award winning The Probability Broach had the right idea: Let people carry their weapons on the airplane, but issue plastic bullets. That way if a gunfight breaks out, it won't compromise the hull integrity. People will be safer, because it's a self evident situation. ...but I digress.
- Time. So much time and energy is wasted in the process of boarding and deboarding a plane. If airplane service actually met the expectations of the flyers, there would be plane-side parking, heated garages, and food service much like an NFL stadium. Instead, you park 3 miles away, crowd into a shuttle bus, only to stand in a 30 minute bafggage line and a 30 minute security line. Air travel is supposed to save time.
- Very often it doesn't, especially when you wind up in a different city from the one listed on your boarding pass.
- Nickels and Dimes: Due to the inefficiency of most corporate travel policies, the airlines have to quote the lowest possible fare price, and as a result must charge you to check luggage, charge you for an aisle seat, charge you for overhead compartment space, and even now for the bag of peanuts. All just to make their minimum acceptable margin of profit. I liked it better when the prices were simply too high, and everything was covered.
- Why does my laptop have to be shut off and put under the seat? In the event of unexpected turbulence, where my laptop winds up is the least of our problems. Leave me alone. My computer is the only productive piece in this entire flight. Better yet give me enough room so I can arrange things in a more organized fashion.
- Enough room. Right. In days past, you could select a slightly higher priced flight that would have some open seats, so you could lay your work out on the seat next to you. Fat chance of that, now. You are the middle seat. All the flights are the same price. And all of them are full.
- How did things get so that there is no differentiation between airlines? Why are they all the same? I would have paid more for better service. Is the whole air travel industry a slave of the business bean-counters, who would just as soon fedex their employees to the next client meeting in Tucson?
- Then there's sheer incompetence. Gates being unavailable, because the previous airplane hasn't left, because, he can't get pushed away from the gate, because the staff is overloaded, because the babysitter couldn't make it.
- Let the people off the damn airplane. They would rather be 4 blocks away from the terminal and on the ground than couped up on the airplane. Who in the world thinks it's better to sit there waiting for an impossible situation to get better?
